I'm Jam. 21.
Insane earthling with a cat complex. Mow.
Weeps at tv shows, laughs at self and drools over women, wbu?
I really need to vent to someone and get some advice but I don’t know if it will actually help how I feel and stuff. Ugh, why is this happening, this isn’t meant to be a thing and I want it to end. I know how to end it but I can’t bring myself to do it and fuck.
I have so many atm.
I don’t like having to remind myself this is real. I don’t like having to snap a band on my wrist or sit on my hands. I’m losing my myself and who I am is someone that I don’t even know. This life I live right now all just feels like a lie and I don’t know how much longer I can carry on. I’m trying to be strong but it’s not easy when the people you were closest to just seem like a thing of the past. I’m so sad and lonely and nobody sees it because of last year and I just don’t know what to do. I’m so scared of losing people and being alone and I wish I could just tell certain people how I felt.
You know what would be lovely? If someone came to my house and suprised me by bring food and cooking me dinner. I have a thing where even if i’m hungry I won’t cook or make anything because I physically can’t bring myself to do it. Ugh. I love cooking so much but sometimes just no. Now that my friends is a con of living alone.
My dad took me to Asda earlier to get some food shopping, so he could ensure that I had food and that I would eat. He got me like £60 worth of food, my fridge freezer and cupboards are packed. He also got me this fab Thumper dressing gown that has a hood. Oooh and I got some Batman stuff for JackJack.
However going there was fucking horrendous. There were so many people and my anxiety proper flared up. I felt so awkward and I ended up hiding in a clothes rail at one point because there was so many people. If my dad wasn’t there I’m pretty sure I would have just had a massive breakdown. My point is, I thought I was getting better with public and my anxiety but clearly not and it fucking sucks.