I am Jam. Yep okay, cool. Meow.
Shhh, I really don't know.
Feelings are actually such a pain in the ass. Why are feelings happening? I mean the feelings be good feelings but sigh.
I don’t even know what to think any more :(. I’m staying strong and stuff but I don’t know how much longer I can go before it all comes crashing down.
Trying to not break down in front of you is really fucking hard. You don’t see how much I care and how much I love you and that’s destroying me. All I want is a good job and you. I don’t want anyone else. It fucking sucks because I know I fucked up and I may not deserve one but all I want is a second chance.
It sucks when you’re with someone and you love them so much but the don’t see it. It hurts when they start to push you away cause they don’t know. You say all this stuff and make me fall for you. I’ve never felt this way about anybody ever and it fucking hurts to know that I’m just waiting for a text to answer stuff. All I can do is leave you to it, but all I want to do is see you and hug you and kiss you but I can’t. That fucking sucks and its tearing me apart waiting around. You just don’t see what you mean to me and well that sucks more than anything.
Everything was going so well over the past month and a but and now it’s all falling apart. I don’t want things to fall apart. I know I’ll end fallig apart and I can’t deal with that. Not on my own, don’t let this be happeneing. Fuck.
Taking some time for myself for today and probably the next few days. Sorting things out that need to be sorted. Hopefully I will stop feeling shitty soon and I’m going to start putting myself first for a while. I need to find out who the hell I am cause right now I really don’t know.
I’m feeling constantly tired again and for the last few day I keep randomly crying. What the hell is going on with me? I’d very much like a hug.
I’ve been feeling like proper shit for the last few days and I don’t know what to do. I’m on a stress point where I feel worthless and like I don’t want to be here. I can’t mention that to a particular person because they’ll flip out and I just I don’t want that. They know pass shit but I don’t want them knowing shit is still going on with me. I don’t know how to be honest about it and I don’t know how to stop myself feeling like this. I don’t want to feel like this and I don’t want to take meds it’s just. I don’t even know.
Eveyrthing was going so well and all of a sudden bam everything has turned to shit. I don’t know why this is happening and I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me and what I’ve done wrong but I’m so fucking scared and I don’t know what to do because I feel like I’m about to lose one of the two people that mean the most to me. If that happens I really know know what I’ll do because it’s a fact that it will destory me. I can’t handle that, I really can’t.
Awh but my mumma is in town so she rang me and said to meet her.
It’s weird when you live on your own. Everyone was like “you’re going to be lonely ect.” I don’t actually feel lonely as such.
I’m just kind of bored and that but that cause I’m not living with a load of other teenagers haha.
I do miss Robin though. Like tonight is the actual first night I’m alone at mine. I’m really nervous and a little scared cause I feel like Robin keeps me safe and that cause Robin be precious and sigh.
I’m just going to try and sleep now and stuff cause I’m actually well tired and I have a long day tomorrow.