Do you know what really makes my day? Making someone smile, for whatever reason. More so especially if they’re feeling down, a smile brightens they’re day and it makes me feel good inside.
I feel like I don’t belong here anymore. Not in a depressive way like I want to be dead, for once. I just feel like I shouldn’t be here and I should be somewhere else and doing something else with my life. I just don’t really know where or what. That’s the scary part, not knowing thing.
I’ve had a fucking terrible this year so hears to the future of next year. I have so many plans and things I want to do and achieve, I just got to figure some other things out. Most importantly next year am determined to get to the bottom of the monster that is inside me.
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea recently and I’m glad. Its actually making me feel a lot better in myself and prevents me from snacking. I never used to drink normal tea ‘cause I didn’t like it much but now I do. Fruit and green tea is so fab tho. Yay for tea.
It’s been a month since I had to go to my mam’s house to take Rainbow to the vets to send her to sleep. It’s so weird knowing that she’s not being herself at my mam’s place and I miss her so much. She meant everything to me and it really had broken my heart. Having her for so many years has been a delight tho and I’m so glad i got to grow up with such a precious creature. I miss you and I love you always.
My dad took me to Asda earlier to get some food shopping, so he could ensure that I had food and that I would eat. He got me like £60 worth of food, my fridge freezer and cupboards are packed. He also got me this fab Thumper dressing gown that has a hood. Oooh and I got some Batman stuff for JackJack.
However going there was fucking horrendous. There were so many people and my anxiety proper flared up. I felt so awkward and I ended up hiding in a clothes rail at one point because there was so many people. If my dad wasn’t there I’m pretty sure I would have just had a massive breakdown. My point is, I thought I was getting better with public and my anxiety but clearly not and it fucking sucks.
So greatful that my mam has allowed me to have this. It’s an artists piece but it’s Rainbow ‘cause my mam knew the guy and sjjdbejsjdusindhd.
My dad came over with a Chinese ‘cause he knows I’ve been feeling shitty. This is a reason why he is a top dad. Plus he brought me up some food for my fridge and freezer. Hehe.
Now I’m all cuddled up on my sofa with my duvet watching tv and wishing my girlfriend was here ‘cause waiting for Wednesday is effort.
Having a mental night at Jake’s with some good friends. Just what I needed today ‘cause of my nan being gone 2 years a 6 months today. Love you and miss you nan <3
Oh hey tumblr… So uhm yeah I has a girlfriend now and she’s awesome so go me and stuff.
Collecting my keys for my house at 10:30am tomorrow. Aaaaaaah, I am so excite. Getting my mammas husband to help me move as well, so by tomorrow evening I’ll be all moved in then off to Jake and Nat’ party.
Need to do somethings for myself and the way I’ve decided to go is cutting everyone from my life for a while and some for good. I need to sort myself out and do it before I end up breaking down bad ‘cause I know what would happen. I don’t know if this is the right choice but I guess time will tell. Only 1 of my friends know my new address and that’s only because I know how much they care. I usually have a queue so enjoy that and I’ll come back when I’m in a better place. If my queue runs out then it means I lost. So good bye.